How to Give Authentic Appreciation

​Learn how to give authentic appreciation with sincere words, specific praise, and meaningful actions that strengthen trust, connection, and relationships.

​Learn How to Give Authentic Appreciation through sincere words, specific recognition, and meaningful actions. This video explains how to make your appreciation feel genuine, personal, and impactful in friendships, relationships, and the workplace. Discover practical ways to recognize others, avoid empty compliments, express gratitude clearly, and build stronger connections through everyday appreciation.

Learn more about the Live LIGHT 70-Day Gratitude Challenge at https://revtrev.link/thanks

Trevor H Lund helps capable and caring people—who are growing weary in doing good—move from striving and stress to peace and purpose as they rediscover and enjoy the life God created them for. He does this as an encourager, writer, and authorpreneur. He encourages through his blog, podcast, and live casts at https://revtrev.com/, shares his writing at https://trevorlund.com/, and teaches in Live LIGHT Academy at https://livelight.ca/.

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​Have you ever worked hard, given your best, and still felt unnoticed?

You may have carried a difficult responsibility, supported someone through a challenging season, or quietly served without recognition. When no one acknowledges the effort, it can leave you wondering whether what you do matters.

Most people understand the importance of working wholeheartedly. Colossians 3:23–24 reminds us to work with all our heart as though we are serving the Lord. Christ sees and values our faithfulness.

Still, being appreciated by the people around us matters too.

People need to feel seen. They need to know that their effort, sacrifice, kindness, and presence have meaning. This is why authentic appreciation is so important.

Gratitude recognizes value; appreciation reveals it.

What Is Authentic Appreciation?

Authentic appreciation is a sincere expression of gratitude that recognizes a person’s effort, character, presence, or influence.

It is more than saying “thank you” out of habit. It involves paying attention, identifying what matters, and communicating your appreciation in a way the other person can genuinely receive.

Authentic appreciation may be expressed through:

• Specific words of encouragement
• A thoughtful message
• Practical help
• Undivided attention
• A handwritten note
• A generous act of service
• A sincere compliment
• Prayer and personal support

Appreciation becomes meaningful when it is specific, timely, and sincere.

Why Appreciation Matters

A lack of appreciation can slowly affect a person’s heart. Over time, people may become discouraged, emotionally distant, or less willing to offer their best.

The opposite is also true. A sincere expression of appreciation can give tired people courage. It can strengthen relationships and remind someone:

• “Your life has value.”
• “Your work has meaning.”
• “I see what you are doing.”
• “You are not carrying this unnoticed.”

Every day, people around us are managing unseen burdens. A parent may be exhausted but continue serving. A friend may be grieving while still showing up. A coworker may be learning something difficult. A church volunteer may keep working without recognition.

When we notice and acknowledge them, our words can bring encouragement in a moment when they need it most.

Appreciation does not remove every burden, but it communicates that people do not have to carry those burdens unseen.

Appreciation Must Be Genuine

When I was growing up, my siblings and I sometimes had to say three positive things to one another after an argument. If we struggled, the number increased.

Although we were following instructions, our words were not always sincere. We were simply completing an assignment.

Appreciation is different. It cannot be reduced to polite phrases or forced compliments. Genuine appreciation comes from a grateful heart.

Spontaneous appreciation can feel especially meaningful because it is not connected to a holiday, birthday, promotion, or obligation. Hearing, “I was thinking about you today, and I wanted you to know how much I value you,” feels personal because it is freely given.

Three Lessons About Authentic Appreciation

1. Appreciation Requires Wisdom About Timing

A positive message can be poorly received if it is offered at the wrong time or in an unsuitable way.

Proverbs 27:14 says:

“A loud and cheerful greeting early in the morning will be taken as a curse!” — Proverbs 27:14, NLT

The words may be kind, but timing and delivery still matter.

Some people enjoy public recognition. Others feel uncomfortable when attention is placed on them. Some appreciate written messages, while others prefer a private conversation. One person may welcome a hug, while another may prefer practical help.

Showing appreciation well requires more than good intentions. It requires wisdom.

Before expressing appreciation, ask:

Will this person receive my message in the spirit in which I intend to give it?

2. Appreciation May Not Come Naturally, but It Can Be Learned

Some people are naturally expressive. They easily notice what others do well and communicate encouragement.

Others may feel appreciation deeply but struggle to express it. They may assume people already know how they feel, or they may focus so much on what still needs to be done that they overlook what has already been accomplished.

But appreciation should not depend on personality. It is a choice anyone can make.

First Thessalonians 5:11 says:

“Encourage one another and build each other up.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:11, NLT

Encouragement requires intention. We must choose to notice another person’s effort, patience, kindness, sacrifice, faithfulness, or character. Then we must choose to communicate what we noticed.

Ask yourself:

Am I waiting until appreciation feels easy, or can I choose to show this person that I value them?

3. People Cannot Know What You Do Not Show

You may feel thankful for someone without ever telling them. You may value their work, notice their kindness, or admire their patience while keeping those thoughts to yourself.

Gratitude may live in the heart, but appreciation becomes visible through words and actions.

Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to speak the truth in love. That includes speaking honestly about the good we see in others.

Do not withhold encouragement because you are worried someone might become proud. It is not your responsibility to make other people humble. Speak truth with love, and allow God to work in their hearts.

Ask yourself:

Am I willing to make my gratitude visible through authentic appreciation?

Six Benefits of Authentic Appreciation

1. It Strengthens Relationships

Expressing appreciation communicates that people are valued. Over time, this can build trust, closeness, and relational stability.

When people know their contributions matter, they are more likely to feel connected and secure in the relationship.

2. It Helps Protect Against Resentment

Regular appreciation can help prevent relationships from becoming focused only on problems, mistakes, or unmet expectations.

In healthy relationships, positive interactions need to significantly outweigh negative ones. Sincere appreciation contributes to a more balanced and supportive connection.

3. It Supports Mental and Physical Well-Being

Practicing gratitude and expressing appreciation can contribute to improved mood, greater life satisfaction, and a stronger sense of connection.

Appreciation helps shift our attention from what is missing to what is valuable. It does not deny difficulties, but it helps us notice goodness alongside them.

4. It Builds Stronger Communities

First Thessalonians 5:11 calls believers to encourage one another and build each other up.

Families, workplaces, friendships, and churches become healthier when people feel recognized rather than overlooked. Appreciation strengthens the shared commitment of a group.

5. It Recognizes God’s Work in Others

The apostle Paul often expressed thanks for specific people and their faithfulness. In Philippians 1:3, he wrote:

“I thank my God every time I remember you.”

When we appreciate others, we can also recognize the character, gifts, and good works God is developing in their lives.

6. It Helps Guard Against Bitterness

Hebrews 3:13 encourages believers to encourage one another daily so that their hearts do not become hardened.

Regular appreciation helps prevent emotional distance from taking root. It reminds people that they are known, valued, and supported.

The THANK Tool for Authentic Appreciation

If you want a practical way to express authentic appreciation, use the THANK method.

T — Tell Them What You Noticed

Avoid vague praise such as “Good job.” Instead, identify the specific action, skill, or character trait you observed.

Try saying:

• “I appreciate how patiently you explained that.”
• “Your honesty helped us make a better decision.”
• “I noticed how calmly you handled that difficult conversation.”
• “Thank you for staying with that project when it became challenging.”

Specific appreciation proves that you were paying attention.

Reflection question:
What do I need to notice today?

H — Have an Unsolicited Check-In

Reach out when you do not need anything from the person.

You could:

• Send a short text
• Write a note
• Leave a voice message
• Ask how they are doing
• Tell them you were thinking about them
• Remind them that you value their friendship

Keep the focus on them. Do not attach a request to your message unless it is necessary.

For example:

“I was thinking about you today and wanted you to know how much I appreciate your friendship.”

Reflection question:
Who can I encourage without asking for anything in return?

A — Act Through Practical Service

First John 3:18 says:

“Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” — 1 John 3:18

Look for a small burden you can help carry.

You might:

• Bring a coworker a coffee
• Take a household chore from your partner
• Run an errand for a friend
• Prepare a meal
• Help with a task before being asked
• Offer support during a busy season

Make sure your help meets the other person’s needs. Do not assume that your preferred way of helping will be meaningful to them. Ask when necessary.

Reflection question:
What small blessing could I offer someone today?

N — Notice Them with Undivided Attention

In a distracted world, focused attention is one of the clearest ways to show appreciation.

When someone is speaking:

• Put your phone away
• Make eye contact
• Stop other tasks
• Listen without planning your response
• Ask a thoughtful follow-up question
• Remember what they share

James 1:19 says:

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak.” — James 1:19

Giving someone your full attention communicates that their thoughts, feelings, and time matter.

Reflection question:
Who needs my full attention today?

K — Keep Appreciation Real

Romans 12:9 says:

“Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them.” — Romans 12:9, NLT

Do not force words you do not mean. Authentic appreciation naturally flows from gratitude.

Wholehearted thanksgiving involves three parts:

1. Decision: Choose to recognize what is good.
2. Emotion: Allow yourself to feel grateful for what you notice.
3. Action: Express that gratitude through words or behavior.

Appreciation may include a conversation, act of service, prayer, time, encouragement, or respectful treatment.

The more specific your gratitude is, the easier it becomes to express sincere appreciation.

How to Be More Specific

General appreciation is kind, but specific appreciation is often more powerful.

Instead of:

“I’m grateful for my family.”

Try:

“I’m grateful that my family makes time to call even when everyone is busy. Those conversations help me feel connected.”

Instead of:

“I appreciate my partner.”

Try:

“I appreciate that you prepared my coffee this morning and gave me quiet time before work. That small gesture made my morning easier.”

Instead of:

“I’m grateful for today.”

Try:

“I’m grateful for the sunlight during my walk, the quiet time I had to think, and the message from my friend that made me smile.”

Use this simple formula:

I’m grateful for [specific action]. It made me feel [specific feeling] because [specific impact].

For example:

“I’m grateful that you stayed late to help me finish the project. It made me feel supported because I knew I was not handling the pressure alone.”

Appreciation Is Not Limited to Major Achievements

Encouragement is not only for promotions, awards, completed projects, or impressive accomplishments.

Appreciate people for:

• Their consistency
• Their patience
• Their honesty
• Their willingness to learn
• Their compassion
• Their faithfulness
• Their courage
• Their presence
• Their effort during a difficult season

Appreciation honours the person, not only the result.

A parent may need appreciation for continuing to show up. A friend may need encouragement for remaining faithful through grief. A coworker may need recognition for asking questions and trying to improve.

Small, thoughtful expressions of appreciation can have a lasting impact.

What Authentic Appreciation Feels Like

Think of a time when someone appreciated you in a way you still remember.

Perhaps someone noticed a sacrifice others overlooked. Maybe a teacher believed in you during a difficult season. Perhaps a friend reminded you of your strength when you had forgotten it.

How did it feel?

You may have felt:

• Seen
• Valued
• Understood
• Encouraged
• Supported
• Strengthened

That is one of the gifts we offer when we appreciate others. We give them more than a compliment. We give them courage to continue.

Appreciation tells people that their presence matters—not only their performance.

A Seven-Day Authentic Appreciation Challenge

Ask God to show you three people you can appreciate this week:

1. Someone in your family
2. Someone at work or school
3. Someone in your church or community

Then use the THANK method:

T — Tell them what you noticed
H — Have an unsolicited check-in
A — Act through practical service
N — Notice them with undivided attention
K — Keep appreciation real

Do not wait for a holiday, birthday, promotion, or perfect opportunity. Appreciation is often most meaningful when it arrives unexpectedly.

At the same time, do not hold back when someone is celebrating a special occasion. Every opportunity to encourage someone is worth taking.

Final Thoughts on Authentic Appreciation

Authentic appreciation is simple, but its effect can reach far beyond the moment.

When we pay attention, speak specifically, serve thoughtfully, listen fully, and keep our words sincere, we help people remember that they are valued—not only for what they accomplish, but for who they are.

Through appreciation, God can use our words and actions to strengthen the weary, restore connection, and build healthier families, workplaces, friendships, and churches.

This week, ask God to show you three people who need encouragement. Do not assume they already know how you feel.

Tell them what you notice. Send an unsolicited message. Offer practical help. Give them your full attention. Let your gratitude become visible.

Gratitude recognizes value; appreciation reveals it.

When appreciation flows from a grateful heart, it brings warmth to relationships, courage to tired people, and honour to God.

A Prayer for Authentic Appreciation

Lord, help us notice what we might otherwise miss. Help us see the people around us and recognize the qualities, efforts, and sacrifices You value in them.

Give us wisdom to know what to say, when to say it, and how to express appreciation with sincerity. Make our gratitude visible through our words and actions.

Help us encourage others, strengthen the weary, and honour You by treating people with love and respect.

Amen.

How to Pray Like Jesus: Abide Don’t Strive

​Stop striving and learn how to pray like Jesus taught His disciples can grow your faith, deepen your trust in God, and transform your daily prayer life.

​Striving is over. In this message, discover how praying like Jesus taught His disciples can grow your faith and deepen your relationship with God. Jesus gave His disciples a clear model for prayer through the Lord’s Prayer. His teaching shows us how to honour God, seek His will, depend on Him daily, receive forgiveness, forgive others, and trust Him through temptation.

Download the Our Father Prayer Rhythm https://revtrev.com/our-father

Learn more about the Live LIGHT 70-Day Gratitude Challenge https://revtrev.link/thanks

​Trevor H Lund helps capable and caring people—who are growing weary in doing good—move from striving and stress to peace and purpose as they rediscover and enjoy the life God created them for. He does this as an encourager, writer, and authorpreneur. He encourages through his blog, podcast, and live casts at https://revtrev.com/, shares his writing at https://trevorlund.com/, and teaches in Live LIGHT Academy at https://livelight.ca/.

Listen to Abide Don’t Strive Discovering Peace in Faith

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Read Abide Don’t Strive Discovering Peace in Faith

​How to Pray Like Jesus: A Simple Prayer Rhythm for Moving From Striving to Abiding

How to pray like Jesus is not about finding the perfect words, praying for a certain amount of time, or working harder to earn God’s approval. Jesus gave His disciples a simple pattern that helps us draw near to God with trust, gratitude, honesty, and faith.

Many people approach prayer as another task to complete. They may feel pressure to pray longer, read more Scripture, serve better, or become more disciplined so God will accept them. But Jesus did not invite His followers into a life of constant striving. He invited them to abide in Him.

“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.”
—John 15:4

Abiding means remaining close to Jesus and receiving life from Him. It is the difference between trying to produce spiritual fruit through your own effort and allowing God to work through you.

Striving Versus Abiding in Prayer

Striving says, “I must earn God’s love.”

Abiding says, “Because I am already loved, I can follow God.”

When you are striving, prayer can feel like another item on your to-do list. Bible reading becomes a box to check, and service becomes a way to prove that you are enough. Even good desires—such as wanting to please God or serve others—can gradually become burdens.

You may begin to believe that God is disappointed in you whenever you fail or feel tired. Instead of running toward Him for grace, you hide from Him in shame.

But exhaustion does not necessarily mean you are unfaithful. Sometimes it means you are carrying responsibilities that were never meant to be yours alone.

Jesus offers a different way. He teaches us to remain in Him, depend on Him, and pray from the security of knowing we are already loved.

Jesus’ Pattern for Prayer

When Jesus’ disciples asked Him how to pray, He gave them what is commonly known as the Lord’s Prayer:

“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come, your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.”
—Matthew 6:9–13

This prayer is more than a set of words to repeat. It is also a pattern for spending time with God.

The prayer moves through six connected stages:

1. Adoration – Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name
2. Intercession – Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven
3. Petition – Give us today our daily bread
4. Alignment – Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us
5. Battle – And lead us not in temptation, but deliver us from evil
6. Worship – For yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever and ever Amen.

Gratitude can be included in every stage. It helps turn prayer from a performance into a relationship with God.

1. Begin With Adoration

Jesus began with:

“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.”

Prayer starts by remembering who God is. He is not distant or reluctant to listen. He is our Father, holy and worthy of praise.

Before bringing your needs to God, take time to acknowledge His character. Thank Him for His faithfulness, mercy, wisdom, power, and love.

The psalmist writes:

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise!”
—Psalm 100:4

Gratitude helps prepare your heart to pray. As you thank God for what He has done, you naturally begin to praise Him for who He is.

Questions to consider

• What has God done for which you can thank Him today?
• Which of God’s qualities do you need to remember?
• How has He shown His faithfulness in your life?

2. Intercede for others

Next, Jesus taught us to pray:

“Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”

This is intercession—praying for other people and asking God to work in their lives. Paul taught Timothy how to pray for all people:

Ask God to help them, intercede for them AND give thanks for them. 1 Timothy 2:1

You can pray for your family, friends, church, coworkers, community, country, and leaders. Ask God to bring healing, wisdom, justice, salvation, peace, and direction.

Paul encouraged believers to pray for all people and to give thanks for them. Gratitude can change the way you pray for difficult people. Instead of allowing frustration or criticism to control your thoughts, you can ask God to help them and give thanks for them.

This does not mean ignoring harmful behavior or pretending that every situation is easy. It means placing people in God’s hands rather than allowing resentment to control your heart.

Questions to consider

• Who has God placed on your heart today?
• Where do you want to see God’s will done?
• Is there someone you have been criticizing whom you can bring to God in prayer?

3. Bring God Your Daily Needs - Petitions

Jesus then taught:

“Give us this day our daily bread.”

God welcomes our requests. You do not need to hide your needs or pretend that everything is fine. You can talk to Him about your health, finances, work, relationships, decisions, responsibilities, and long-term plans.

Your “daily bread” includes the concerns that occupy your thoughts. If you need to work for something, plan for it, make a decision about it, or carry responsibility for it, you can bring it to God.

Philippians 4:6 gives similar instruction:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

Notice that thanksgiving is part of the process. You can ask God for what you need while also remembering what He has already done.

Keeping track of answered prayers can help you recognize God’s faithfulness. A written record of His provision can strengthen your trust during future seasons of uncertainty.

Questions to consider

• What needs are occupying your thoughts today?
• What decisions or responsibilities should you place in God’s hands?
• Where have you seen God provide in the past?

​4. Confess, Forgive, and Align Your Heart

Jesus continued:

“Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”

This part of prayer brings us into honest alignment with God. We can ask the Holy Spirit to search our hearts and show us anything that needs attention.

Confess

Psalm 139:23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Confession means to agree with God.

Question you can ask God:

Have I done anything to make you unhappy?

Prayer Prompts

BE STILL and Know Tool https://revtrev.com/be-still/

Address

1 Peter 5:7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

Be still. Let Him show you.

Question you can ask God:

Am I holding on to some worry I haven’t released to you?

Prayer Prompts

CAST Your Cares Upon Him Tool https://revtrev.com/cast/

Lament

Psalm 56:3 But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.

It’s OK to feel your feelings.

Question you can ask God:

Am I needing to trust You with emotions—that may scare me?

Prayer Prompts

100 Psalms of Lament ordered by feeling expressed. Find one that feels the same way you do and camp out for a while. https://revtrev.com/psalms

Repent

Acts 3:19-20 Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away. Then times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord,

Change your mind and go in the opposite direction

Question you can ask God:

Do I need to change an attitude or action?

Prayer Prompts

TURN to repent tool https://revtrev.com/turn/

Forgive

Colossians 3:13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Forgive with your whole heart

Question you can ask God:

Is there is anyone I hold anything against?

Prayer Prompts

Forgive with your whole heart tool https://revtrev.com/forgive/

Tip: Do not leave this time of alignment without peace, hope or joy.

Forgiveness does not mean approving of wrongdoing or refusing healthy boundaries. It means releasing the desire to take revenge and entrusting justice to God.

This portion of prayer is not meant to leave you trapped in shame. God’s conviction leads us toward repentance, restoration, hope, and freedom.

Questions to consider

• Is there anything you need to confess to God?
• Have you been holding on to resentment?
• What would it look like to receive God’s forgiveness today?

5. Battle

Jesus taught His disciples to pray:

“Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

This reminds us that spiritual life includes real opposition. However, prayer should not magnify fear or make the enemy the focus. Our confidence is in God’s authority and protection.

The Bible reminds us that our struggle is not ultimately against people, but against spiritual forces. Therefore, we can ask God for discernment, strength, protection, and courage.

We can also pray for wisdom to recognize temptation and the strength to choose what honors God.

Giving thanks in difficult circumstances does not mean pretending that pain is good. It means trusting that God remains present and faithful, even when circumstances are hard.

Questions to consider

• Where do you need God’s protection?
• What temptations or pressures are you facing?
• How can you seek God’s strength instead of relying only on your own?

6. End With Worship

The Lord’s Prayer concludes with a declaration of praise:

“For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.”

Prayer begins and ends with God. We start by honoring His name, and we finish by remembering that He rules with power and glory.

Ending with worship helps place your concerns in the right perspective. Your needs matter to God, but they are not greater than God. He is still sovereign, present, and worthy of trust.

Questions to consider

• What do you want to praise God for before ending your prayer?
• Which truth about God do you need to carry into the rest of your day?
• What are you willing to place back into His hands?

A Simple Prayer Rhythm for Everyday Life

Learning how to pray like Jesus does not require a complicated formula. You can use this six-part rhythm in a few minutes or spend more time in each section.

The Our Father Prayer Rhythm

1. Adoration: Praise God for who He is.
2. Intercession: Pray for other people and for God’s kingdom.
3. Petition: Bring your daily needs and concerns to God.
4. Alignment: Confess, repent, receive forgiveness, and forgive others.
5. Battle: Ask for protection, wisdom, and strength.
6. Worship: End by honoring God’s kingdom, power, and glory.

Gratitude belongs in every part of this rhythm. You can thank God for His character, His work in other people, His provision, His mercy, His protection, and His eternal authority.

Prayer Is an Invitation, Not a Performance

Jesus did not teach prayer as a way to earn God’s love. He taught prayer as a way to remain connected to the Father.

When you stop striving to prove yourself and begin abiding in God’s love, your prayer life can change. Prayer is no longer just a task to complete. It becomes a place where you remember who God is, receive His grace, and place your life in His hands.

You do not have to carry every burden alone. You do not have to produce spiritual fruit through your own strength. Jesus invites you to remain in Him.

Start with a grateful heart. Praise God for who He is, pray for His kingdom, bring Him your needs, confess what He reveals, ask for protection, and end in worship.

That is how to pray like Jesus—not by striving harder, but by abiding more deeply.

Your Next Step

Try this prayer rhythm tomorrow. Set aside a few quiet minutes and move through each section of the Lord’s Prayer. Do not focus on saying everything perfectly. Focus on being present with God.

You can also download the free Our Father Prayer Rhythm at https://revtrev.com/our-father to help guide your daily prayer time. If you want to build a lasting gratitude habit that supports a life of abiding, learn more about the Live LIGHT 70-Day Gratitude Challenge at revtrev.link/thanks.

Why Your Faith May Feel Distant from God and How to Restore it

​Feeling distant from God? Discover the spiritual, emotional, and practical reasons behind it—and find hope, clarity, and a path back to faith today.

In this training, you’ll discover practical and faith-based steps to reconnect with God, strengthen your prayer life, and find hope when God feels far away. If you are experiencing spiritual dryness, remember that feeling distant does not mean God has abandoned you. Learn lament and the power of gratitude today.

​Trevor H Lund helps capable and caring people—who are growing weary in doing good—move from striving and stress to peace and purpose as they rediscover and enjoy the life God created them for. He does this as an encourager, writer, and authorpreneur. He encourages through his blog, podcast, and live casts at https://revtrev.com/, shares his writing at https://trevorlund.com/, and teaches in Live LIGHT Academy at https://livelight.ca/.

Listen to Why Your Faith May Feel Distant from God and How to Restore it

Subscribe to the podcast anywhere you listen to them https://revtrev.com/radio

Watch the Replay of Why Your Faith May Feel Distant from God and How to Restore it

Read Why You Feel Distant From God—and How to Find Your Way Back

Have you ever wondered why you feel distant from God?

You may still pray, attend church, serve others, and read the Bible. Yet something feels different. Your faith feels mechanical. Your heart feels tired. You may even wonder whether God has withdrawn from you—or whether you have somehow failed Him.

Feeling spiritually distant does not mean you have lost your faith. Often, it means you are carrying disappointment, grief, unanswered questions, or unmet expectations that you have not brought honestly to God.

The Bible gives us a clear way to understand this distance—and a path back to closeness with Him.

When Obedience Does Not Look the Way You Expected

I once left a church I loved because I believed God was calling me to move my family around the world. It meant leaving behind family, friends, finances, and a familiar future.

A month after I announced our plans, my father was diagnosed with bulbar ALS and given only a short time to live.

I believed I was obeying God, but I also told Him, “If I go, I want open heaven.”

We arrived in Auckland, New Zealand, on January 1, 2005. It was a city of about a million people, and everyone seemed to be at the beach. As we drove along empty four-lane highways to a friend’s house, I remember thinking, “This does not look like open heaven.”

We stayed in New Zealand for eight months. Eventually, everyone who knew us agreed that we needed to return to Canada to be with my family. I helped my father finish his book and get it published before he died.

At the time, I did not have the words to describe what I was feeling. I only knew the familiar language: “God is the potter, and I am the clay. Who am I to question what He is doing?”

But beneath those words, I felt hurt and confused. I felt separated from God. Someone even asked me, “You used to be someone. What happened?”

Looking back, I realized that I was not simply confused. I was offended by God.

Spiritual Distance Often Begins With Unmet Expectations

Many people experience spiritual distance through a slow drift.

You continue praying. You keep serving. You attend church and fulfill your responsibilities. But your heart begins to run on autopilot.

You may not remember a specific moment when things changed. You did not intentionally walk away from God. You simply moved farther back, emotionally and spiritually.

This often happens when your experience does not match your expectations.

You expected healing, but the diagnosis remained.

You expected provision, but the financial pressure continued.

You expected a clear answer, but God seemed silent.

You expected obedience to lead to blessing, but instead you encountered loss.

When reality clashes with what we believed God would do, disappointment can quietly create distance.

Even John the Baptist Felt Distant From God

John the Baptist had a powerful spiritual history. He publicly pointed people toward Jesus and called Him “the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world.”

John had baptized Jesus. He had heard the voice from heaven say, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” Jesus even described John as one of the greatest prophets.

Yet John eventually found himself in prison.

While John waited in darkness, Jesus was healing the sick, setting people free, and preaching the good news. John had expected the Messiah to bring freedom, but he was still imprisoned.

So John sent his disciples to ask Jesus:

“Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?”
—Matthew 11:3

John’s question came from a painful gap between what he believed and what he experienced.

Jesus did not shame him for asking. Instead, He told John’s disciples to report what they had seen:

“The blind see, the lame walk, those with leprosy are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor.”
—Luke 7:22

Then Jesus added:

“Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me.”
—Matthew 11:6

In other words, blessed is the person who is not offended by Jesus when His work does not happen according to their expectations.

That message is still relevant today.

You May Feel Distant From God Because You Are Hurt

Sometimes the reason you feel distant from God is not that you have stopped believing. You may simply be disappointed with Him.

You may be carrying:

• An unanswered prayer
• A painful loss
• A difficult diagnosis
• A broken relationship
• A season of silence
• A calling that became harder than expected
• A spiritual disappointment
• Anger over something God allowed

These emotions do not make you a bad Christian. They make you human.

The danger is not having honest emotions. The danger is hiding them.

When you pretend everything is fine, you may create emotional distance from God. You stop telling Him what you really think. You offer polite prayers while keeping your deepest questions locked away.

But God already knows what is in your heart. Honesty does not inform Him; it opens you to relationship with Him.

God Gives You Permission to Lament

The Bible gives us a language for seasons when God feels distant: lament.

Lament is the honest expression of grief, confusion, anger, disappointment, and pain before God.

A large portion of the Psalms consists of lament. The writers ask questions such as:

• “How long, Lord?”
• “Why have you forgotten me?”
• “Why do you hide your face?”
• “How long must I wrestle with my thoughts?”

These prayers are not examples of faithlessness. They are examples of faith that refuses to run away.

The psalmists brought their pain directly to God. They did not pretend to understand everything. They did not hide their emotions behind religious phrases.

They told God the truth.

Then, often in the same psalm, their perspective began to change. Their circumstances had not necessarily changed, but their focus shifted from the problem to God’s character.

Psalm 13 begins with the cry:

“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?”

But later, the writer says:

“But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.”

The psalmist did not deny the pain. He brought the pain to God and remembered who God is.

Lament and Gratitude Can Exist Together

Many people assume that gratitude requires pretending life is easy. It does not.

You can be grateful and grieving at the same time.

You can say:

• “God, I am hurting, but I still trust Your love.”
• “I do not understand this, but I believe You are with me.”
• “I feel abandoned, but I choose to remember Your faithfulness.”
• “This situation is painful, but You have been good to me.”

The apostle Paul wrote:

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
—1 Thessalonians 5:18

Giving thanks in all circumstances does not mean giving thanks for every painful event. It means choosing to recognize God’s presence and goodness even in difficult circumstances.

Gratitude redirects your attention. It helps you remember that your current feelings are real, but they are not the whole story.

The Way Back Begins With Honesty

If you want to know how to reconnect with God, start by telling Him the truth.

You do not need a perfect prayer. You do not need impressive words. You can simply say:

“God, I feel far from You. I am disappointed, tired, and confused. I do not understand what You are doing, but I want to know that You are near.”

That kind of prayer is not weakness. It is an act of faith.

You are choosing to bring your real self to God instead of hiding behind religious performance.

The moment you become honest with God, the drift begins to reverse.

What Does Repentance Have to Do With Feeling Distant From God?

The Old Testament word often translated as “repent” is connected to the idea of turning around and returning.

The New Testament word points to a change in how you think, understand, and respond.

Repentance is not simply feeling guilty. It is turning away from the pattern that has taken you farther from God and turning back toward Him.

When you feel distant from God, repentance may involve:

• Admitting that you are disappointed with Him
• Confessing that you have stopped trusting His character
• Acknowledging that you have been hiding your pain
• Releasing expectations about how God must act
• Choosing to seek Him even before your circumstances change
• Returning to prayer with honesty

You cannot turn around until you acknowledge that you have drifted. That is why honesty is such an important part of spiritual renewal.

A Simple Practice for Finding Your Way Back

Here is a practical way to respond when you feel distant from God.

1. Find a Psalm That Matches Your Emotions

Choose a psalm that reflects what you are experiencing.

If you are afraid, find a psalm about fear. If you are grieving, find one about loss. If you are angry or confused, choose a lament.

Do not select a psalm only because it sounds positive. Find one that gives words to what you are actually feeling. Check out https://revtrev.com/psalms to find all the Psalms of Lament categorized by emotion.

2. Read It Slowly and Out Loud

Allow the words to shape your prayer.

Pause when a sentence expresses something you have been unable to say. Repeat it. Personalize it. Speak honestly to God.

You do not need to rush through the passage.

3. Let Yourself Lament

Tell God what hurts.

Talk about the disappointment, the unanswered prayer, the exhaustion, or the confusion. Do not edit your emotions to make them sound more spiritual.

God can handle your honesty.

4. Remember God’s Character

After you express your pain, reflect on who God has shown Himself to be.

Remember His faithfulness, mercy, patience, goodness, and presence. Think about times He helped you in the past. Recall promises from Scripture.

This does not erase your pain. It places your pain in a larger story.

5. Choose Gratitude

Thank God for one thing.

It may be something significant, or it may be something small:

• A person who supports you
• A moment of peace
• A past answer to prayer
• Strength to make it through today
• God’s patience with you
• The promise that He will never leave you

Gratitude may begin as a decision before it becomes a feeling.

God Is Not Afraid of Your Questions

Many people were taught that faithful Christians should never question God. Yet Scripture is filled with people who questioned, argued, grieved, and cried out to Him.

Job questioned God.

David questioned God.

Jeremiah questioned God.

John the Baptist questioned God.

God did not reject them for bringing their questions to Him.

What damages intimacy is not honest struggle. It is pretense.

You do not need to protect God from your emotions. You need to bring your emotions into His presence.

The Distance May Be an Invitation

The distance you feel may not be a wall between you and God. It may be an invitation to deeper honesty.

Perhaps God is inviting you to move beyond routine prayers and religious performance. Perhaps He is inviting you to bring Him the parts of your heart that you have kept hidden.

You may not receive an immediate explanation for everything you have experienced. But you can begin a genuine conversation with God today.

Bring Him your:

• Disappointment
• Doubt
• Anger
• Grief
• Exhaustion
• Unanswered questions
• Fear of being forgotten

Then allow gratitude to remind you that God’s silence is not proof of His absence.

Final Thoughts on Why You Feel Distant From God

If you are wondering why you feel distant from God, the answer may be connected to disappointment, unmet expectations, unprocessed grief, or a slow spiritual drift.

You do not have to pretend that you are fine.

Start with a prayer of honesty. Find a psalm that expresses what you feel. Read it slowly. Lament before God. Remember His character. Then choose gratitude, even if your circumstances have not changed.

The way back does not begin with performing better. It begins with becoming honest.

God is closer than your next breath. You can bring Him your whole heart—including the parts that are confused, wounded, and afraid.

Find a Psalm that matches how you feel today and begin the conversation.

You can also learn more about the Live LIGHT 70-Day Gratitude Challenge.

Unlock the Anti-Striving Strategy: Renew Your Soul!

​Discover the anti-striving strategy to renew your soul, quiet inner pressure, find rest, and live with greater peace, purpose, and trust every day.

​Trevor H Lund helps capable and caring people—who are growing weary in doing good—move from striving and stress to peace and purpose as they rediscover and enjoy the life God created them for. He does this as an encourager, writer, and authorpreneur. He encourages through his blog, podcast, and live casts at https://revtrev.com/, shares his writing at https://trevorlund.com/, and teaches in Live LIGHT Academy at https://livelight.ca/.

Pre-campaign

​Wednesdays 10:00 AM MDT - August 26 - September 16, 2026

This is part of the Pre-Campaign for the 3rd Annual Live LIGHT 70-Day Gratitude Challenge.

​The Gratitude Challenge itself runs from Friday, September 18, 2026 – Thursday November 26, 2026 I’m doing weekly live casts on X, Facebook, YouTube, LinkedIn, Tiktok and Instagram. As well as doing group coaching and weekly meetings in the Cascade Chalet.

Join me.
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Have you ever had a full schedule without feeling overwhelmed—and then had another day with only a few tasks that left you exhausted?

Busyness is not always about how much you have to do. Often, it is about the weight you are carrying while you do it.

The good news is that there is an anti-striving strategy that can help you move from stress and self-reliance to peace and purpose: learning to give thanks with your whole heart.

The Morning I Realized I Was Too Busy to Be Busy

I remember dropping my children off at school one morning while mentally racing through the day ahead.

I had already attended one meeting and was trying to work out whether I could get to another meeting before my lunch appointment.

A friend saw me and asked, “How’s your day—busy?”

I was about to agree with her and continue on my way. Instead, I heard myself say:

“I don’t have time to be busy!”

The statement surprised me. Where had it come from?

As I thought about it, I realized it had exposed something beneath my packed schedule. I wanted to learn how to accomplish what needed to be done without constantly feeling rushed, pressured, and overwhelmed.

That question led me to discover an anti-striving strategy that changed how I understood work, faith, and rest.

The answer was not doing more for God.

It was learning to trust Him and give thanks with my whole heart.

Busyness Is Not Always About Your Schedule

There have been seasons when I was doing many things but did not feel particularly busy. At other times, I had only a few responsibilities but felt completely overwhelmed.

That contrast made me ask an important question:

What is the root of busyness?

My family and I moved to New Zealand in 2005. At that time, the culture felt laid-back and relaxed. The phrase “no worries” seemed to describe the general attitude.

Yet the busiest people I knew were often involved in church work.

I also noticed that some people became busier after retirement. Even when their employment ended, their sense of pressure did not.

This showed me that busyness is not simply a calendar problem. It can be a soul problem.

How Shame Turns Work Into Striving

The early chapters of Genesis helped me understand this more clearly.

Before sin entered the world, Adam and Eve worked, but work was not described as painful, anxious, or oppressive. They walked with God and lived without shame.

After the fall, everything changed.

Shame entered the human experience. Work became difficult. In Genesis 3:19, God tells Adam:

“By the sweat of your brow will you have food to eat until you return to the ground from which you were made.”
—Genesis 3:19, NLT

Work itself was not the problem. Striving was.

Shame can cause us to feel that we must prove ourselves, protect our image, avoid failure, and carry responsibilities without help. We may work hard not only to accomplish something, but also to show that we are valuable, competent, or acceptable.

That pressure creates inner busyness.

You can have an empty calendar and still feel driven. You can be doing good things and still be running on fear.

Jesus Offers an Anti-Striving Strategy

Jesus speaks directly to weary people:

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
—Matthew 11:28–30, NLT

Jesus does not offer a new checklist.

He offers a shared life.

What Is a Yoke?

A yoke is a wooden beam that joins two animals together so they can work as a team. Traditionally, a stronger, more experienced animal would help train a younger one.

The stronger animal carried much of the weight. The younger one learned to walk in step.

When Jesus invites us to take His yoke, He is not saying, “Here are more responsibilities for you to manage.”

He is saying:

Walk with Me. Let Me teach you. Let Me carry the weight.

The rest Jesus gives is not simply a nap or a break from responsibility. It is a different way of living—one based on trust rather than self-reliance.

The Real Problem Was Not Doing Too Much

I eventually realized that my problem was not necessarily the number of things I was doing.

The deeper problem was that I was trying to do them alone.

I was trying to:

• Look good
• Avoid looking bad
• Manage every outcome
• Prove that I could handle everything
• Carry the weight of my own life
• Make sure everything worked out

That kind of effort is exhausting.

Jesus offers a better way. His yoke becomes light when we trust that God is good and that He is able to work through every situation for good.

Without that trust, we can become like a young ox resisting the older one. We hesitate, pull back, and struggle against the direction we are being led.

Gratitude Helps Us Walk With Jesus

This is where gratitude becomes an important anti-striving strategy.

When we worry, our attention turns toward possible problems, imagined outcomes, and everything we cannot control.

When we give thanks, our attention turns toward God’s presence and goodness.

The situation may not change immediately, but something changes within us.

Instead of saying:

“God, help me survive this.”

We begin to say:

“God, You are already with me in this.”

The apostle Paul gives us this pattern:

“Worry about nothing; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.”
—Philippians 4:6, NLT

Thanksgiving does not mean pretending that life is easy. It means bringing our real concerns to God while remembering that we are not facing them alone.

What Does It Mean to Give Thanks With Your Whole Heart?

I used to think that giving thanks with your whole heart meant becoming highly emotional.

But the biblical understanding of the heart is broader. The Hebrew word lev refers not only to emotions, but also to the center of a person’s decisions, thoughts, and actions.

Giving thanks with your whole heart involves three parts:

1. Decide to Give Thanks

Gratitude begins with a choice.

You may not feel thankful when you start. You may be tired, worried, or discouraged. Still, you can choose to look for God’s goodness.

2. Feel Grateful

As you name what you appreciate, your emotions often begin to catch up with your decision.

You might feel grateful for:

• God’s presence
• A safe place to sleep
• A supportive friend
• A meal
• A meaningful conversation
• Strength for today
• A lesson learned through difficulty

3. Express Appreciation

Gratitude becomes complete when it is put into action.

You can express appreciation through:

• Prayer
• A written journal entry
• A message to someone
• An act of service
• A spoken thank-you
• Generosity
• Paying attention to the good around you

This three-part rhythm—deciding, feeling, and acting—turns gratitude from a quick phrase into a whole-person practice.

Why a Gratitude Practice Can Help

Research on gratitude journaling suggests that regularly recording what you appreciate can improve emotional well-being. Some studies have found that people who practice gratitude report greater happiness and satisfaction.

However, it is important to treat specific claims carefully. There is no universal rule that everyone will become exactly 10% happier after 21 days, nor is there a guaranteed timetable for changing brain patterns.

What we can say is that repeated practices can help shape attention and behavior over time.

The spiritual principle is simple:

What you repeatedly notice becomes easier to notice again.

If your attention is trained only on problems, your mind may become quicker to find problems. If you regularly notice God’s provision, kindness, and presence, gratitude can become a more natural response.

A Simple 70-Day Gratitude Practice

This understanding led me to create the Live LIGHT 70-Day Gratitude Challenge.

It is not intended to be another demanding program or task on your already-full list. Instead, it provides simple structure for developing a new response to daily life.

For 70 days, you practice three steps:

1. Decide to give thanks.
2. Feel grateful for what you have named.
3. Show appreciation through words or actions.

The purpose is not to deny hardship. The purpose is to create space to recognize God’s goodness in the middle of hardship.

Over time, this practice can help you respond to stress with greater awareness, trust, and peace.

How to Begin the Anti-Striving Strategy Today

You do not need to wait for a perfect season. Try this simple practice tomorrow morning:

Step 1: Name One Concern

Be honest with God about what is making you anxious or tired.

Step 2: Give Thanks in the Same Situation

Ask:

• What is still good here?
• Where might God be present?
• What support has He already provided?
• What can I receive instead of control?

Step 3: Express Appreciation

Write down one sentence of thanks, send an encouraging message, or take one practical action that reflects gratitude.

For example:

“I am worried about today’s meeting, but I am thankful that I have prepared, that I am not alone, and that God can guide me through it.”

This is not denial. It is trust in practice.

You Do Not Have to Carry Your Life Alone

The heaviest burden you may ever carry is the burden of your own effort—the belief that everything depends on you.

Jesus offers a different way.

He invites you to walk with Him, learn from Him, and allow Him to carry what you were never meant to carry alone.

Gratitude helps you keep pace with Him.

So remember:

“Worry about nothing; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.”
—Philippians 4:6, NLT

This is more than a comforting verse. It is a practical way to respond when worry begins to take over.

Join the Live LIGHT 70-Day Gratitude Challenge

If you are growing weary from trying to do good while carrying too much pressure, the Live LIGHT 70-Day Gratitude Challenge can help you build a daily gratitude practice.

Sign up free through the link below and begin tomorrow morning—before the worries of the day begin to pile up.

The worries will come. But with practice, gratitude can become a new response.

May the Lord bless you and keep you. May His peace rest on you as you learn to give thanks with your whole heart.

Learn more and join the free challenge: https://revtrev.link/thanks

Trevor Lund helps capable and caring people move from striving and stress toward peace and purpose as they rediscover and enjoy the life God created them for. He encourages through his blog, podcast, and live broadcasts at revtrev.com, shares his writing at trevorlund.com, and teaches through Live LIGHT Academy.

How to Have Well Healed Wounds

​Let gratitude restore your heart as you learn to have well healed wounds.

​Trevor H Lund helps capable and caring people—who are growing weary in doing good—move from striving and stress to peace and purpose as they rediscover and enjoy the life God created them for. He does this as an encourager, writer, and authorpreneur. He encourages through his blog, podcast, and live casts at https://revtrev.com/, shares his writing at https://trevorlund.com/, and teaches in Live LIGHT Academy at https://livelight.ca/.

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Read How to Have Well Healed Wounds

​If you’re in a place where you just wanted to curse God and die, the best thing you could do was find a Psalm that felt the same way you did and camp out for while until you knew God knew how you felt and you started to feel more of his peace once once more.

Read it slowly. Pray it honestly. Feel the angst of the language. Let those words give language to what is happening inside you. Remain there until you know that God understands how you feel and until you begin to sense his peace once more.

Today, I want to continue that conversation. I want to show you how gratitude helps us move from hurt toward wholeness.

Gratitude Helps Restore You

Gratitude doesn’t fake it

It’s not because gratitude pretends that nothing happened. Gratitude does not tell us to ignore our pain. Gratitude does not pretend every situation is good.

Gratitude restores us by helping us see that, even in painful seasons, God has not stopped being faithful. And while every situation is not good, He will work everything out for our good.

Hurt and hope will shape the way we see everything

Have you noticed how pain affects your attention?

When we are hurting, we often notice what is missing before we notice what remains. We can look with eyes of lack instead of eyes of blessings. We see the unanswered prayer, the broken relationship, the loss, the disappointment, or the opportunity that never came.

When we hurt, we expect more hurt.

Someone who has been betrayed might find it difficult to trust again. Someone who has experienced loss might fear another loss. Someone who has prayed for healing and has not yet received the answer they wanted might begin to wonder whether God hears them at all.

Pain asks difficult questions:

“Why did God allow this?”
“Why did they leave?”
“Why did my prayer seem unanswered?”

Those questions are not signs that you have failed God. They are signs that you are human and that something has wounded you and you’ve created a wall to protect yourself.

The Bible gives us permission to speak honestly.

David did not always begin his psalms with praise. In fact 2/3rds of all the Psalms are Psalms of lament. The Psalm I often find myself camping out on is Psalm 13–which is a Psalm of David

Psalm 13:1-4

How long, Lord? Will you forget me for ever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

Look how he ends 5-6…

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.

The circumstances might not have changed between the first verse and the last verse. What changed was David’s perspective. He brought his pain into the presence of God, and in God’s presence, pain was no longer the only thing he could see.

This is the pattern for Psalms of lament. All but two end with our perspective moving from our pain to His promise.

Tip: if you want to experience God afresh, learn how to lament. Learn to use the language of the psalms to pour out your pain to God https://revtrev.com/psalms/ I have the psalms of lament categorized by emotions

Pouring out your heart to God is where gratitude begins.

Gratitude does not deny the wound

Some people resist gratitude because they believe it requires them to pretend.

They think, “If I give thanks, does that mean what happened was acceptable? Does it mean I am no longer allowed to grieve? Does it mean I have to trust someone who harmed me?”

No.

Gratitude does not call evil good. It does not erase betrayal. It does not excuse abuse. It does not remove the need for boundaries, justice, counselling, or wise support.

You are allowed to say:

“That hurt me.”
“I am still grieving.”
“I do not understand why this happened.”
“I need help.”

Give thanks IN not necessarily Give thanks FOR

1 Thessalonians 5:18 says:

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

It does not say to give thanks for all circumstances…Well it does, so let me tell you why.

Ephesians 5:18-20 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

But the command in those verses is “to be continually filled with Holy Spirit” and the results—of being continually filled with Holy Spirit—is that you’ll speak to one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual psalms, sing and make music from your heart to the Lord AND that you’ll always being giving thanks to God the Father for everything.

In English we put a comma to show it. In Greek “being continually filled” is the command in that sentence.

To give thanks FOR everything is not a command, it’s the natural result of being continually filled with Holy Spirit. When we are continually filled with Holy Spirit we naturally—or supernaturally—do God’s will.

What is part of his will for us? It’s to give thanks IN all circumstances.

Scripture does not tell us to thank God for cruelty, sickness, injustice, or loss as if those things were good.

But it does tells us to give thanks in all circumstances—because that’s God’s will for us.

We can give thanks that God is present. We can give thanks that grace is available. We can give thanks that he has blessed us with all wisdom and all knowledge so everything is figureoutable. We can give thanks that suffering will not have the final word. We can give thanks that Christ understands suffering. We give thanks that God is still holding us, even when we do not understand what he is doing.

The key that keeps us for having toxic gratitude—that’s saying we’re grateful when we don’t actually feel grateful—is to give thanks with our whole heart.

Give Thanks with your whole heart

To give thanks with our whole heart we need to decide to give thanks, feel grateful for what we give thanks for and show appreciation for what we felt grateful for. You can give thanks with your whole heart in any circumstance. The best time to train yourself to do it that is when you have a lot to give thanks for.

Gratitude respects the wound but protects your hope.

The difference between an open wound and well healed wounds

I was speaking in a church talking about how to fast from negativity and in the middle of it I found myself saying this—it wasn’t in my notes. I said something like:

“Some of you here take pride in your wounds. You wear your pain like a badge of honour. You think it makes you acceptable to God. But God wants you to know that your wounds hurt Him and what brings Him joy is your wounds well healed. You need to have well healed wounds.”

After the service a lady came up to me with happy tears in her eyes. She told me some time ago God impressed upon her that her wounds would heal well. She said, “when you said that phrase – ‘your wounds well healed’ – I knew God was saying my time of healing is complete.

It was the first time I heard “well-healed wounds.”

What does well healed wounds mean?

An open wound is tender. It reacts to the smallest touch. It demands attention. It affects everything around it.

A well-healed wound still tells you where you have been, but it no longer controls every part of your life.

The scar may remain, but the bleeding has stopped. Scars are cool. Jesus keeps His scars in heaven.

That is what God desires to do in us. He does not erase our history. He redeems it.

Psalm 147:3 says:

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

The Lord is not embarrassed by your wounds. He does not turn away from your sorrow. He comes near to the brokenhearted.

Some of us have been carrying an open wound for years. A conversation, a date on the calendar, a certain place, or a familiar phrase brings the pain rushing back.

God is patient with us. He does not shame us for needing time. Yet he also does not want us to remain trapped forever in what wounded us.

Gratitude is one of the ways God begins to restore our hearts.

Gratitude respects the wound but protects your hope.

Gratitude changes what receives our attention

What we repeatedly look at begins to shape how we think, speak, and feel. If we focus only on what went wrong, our hearts become trained to search for more evidence that life is unsafe and God is distant.

But when we practise giving thanks with all our heart, we begin to notice signs of grace.

For example, Psalm 103 begins with David speaking to his own soul:

“Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.”

David then says:

“Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits.”

Notice the phrase: “Forget not.”

David knew that the soul forgets. We forget God’s kindness when the present pain becomes loud. We forget past provision when today feels uncertain. We forget previous answers to prayer when a new crisis arrives.

So David speaks to himself.

“Remember, soul.”

Remember his forgiveness.
Remember his healing.
Remember his compassion.
Remember his provision.
Remember his faithfulness.

Gratitude is the natural response to remembering the goodness of God.

It is not always an emotion that arrives by itself. At times, gratitude begins as an act of obedience. We say, “Lord, I will remember what is true.”

Gratitude respects the wound but protects your hope.

The ones who received healing but forgot to return

In Luke 17, Jesus met ten men who had leprosy. They stood at a distance and cried out:

“Jesus, Master, have pity on us!”

Jesus told them to go and show themselves to the priests. As they went, they were healed.

Ten men received healing.

Only one returned. He was Samaritan.

That man came back praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him.

Jesus asked: “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine?”

All ten received the gift, but only one returned to the giver.

That question still speaks to us.

How often do we do the same?

How often do we ask God for help, receive his kindness, and then move on without returning to thank him?

We pray for provision, then forget to give thanks when the provision arrives.

We ask God to carry us through a difficult season, then become so focused on the next challenge that we forget to remember how he carried us through the last one.

We receive another morning, another breath, another opportunity, another act of kindness, and we treat it as ordinary.

Gratitude helps us return.

It brings us back to the feet of Jesus.

Tip: Keep a list of your answers to prayer. Worry about nothing. Pray about everything with thanksgiving. When God answers those prayers keep them somewhere you can review them and be amazed.

The healed man did not return because he had nothing else to do. He returned because he recognized who had restored him.

Gratitude is more than saying, “Thank you.” It is recognizing the giver behind the gift.

What can unhealed wounds do to us?

The WALL of Unhealed Wounds

W — Wounds: Trauma or hurt experiences.
A — Assumptions: False beliefs formed from wounds (e.g., "I am unlovable").
L — Lifelong vows: Decisions made to cope (e.g., "I must control everything").
L — Limiting strongholds: Ways of thinking that negatively dominate life (anger, people-pleasing, withdrawal).

These are all the results of unhealed wounds. You can get through all of these by having your wounds well-healed.

What happens when gratitude begins to restore us?

What would it be like to remember the past without being pulled back into it? What would it be like to receive something good without immediately expecting it to disappear? What would it be like to say with all honesty, “This hurt me, but God has not abandoned me”?

That is the work of healing.

A grateful heart does not become careless. It becomes steady.

A grateful heart does not stop asking questions. It learns that unanswered questions do not mean an absent God.

A grateful heart does not forget the pain. It remembers the pain alongside God’s faithfulness.

Gratitude respects the wound but protects your hope.

How can we have well-healed wounds?

That’s a great question, I’m so glad you asked. I’ve been working on this tool for sometime. Only when I saw gratitude’s role in it did it all flow together.

HEALing Prayer

This process is simple.

H — Hold the wound before Jesus.
E — Explore feelings and beliefs.
A — Ask Jesus to show you the truth.
L — Listen for Jesus’ response.

This process is simple but the effects are profound.

Gratitude’s role

Start by remembering a memory when you naturally gave thanks with your whole heart. A time you naturally gave thanks to God— you choose to be thankful, felt grateful to God and you naturally showed appreciation to God in worship.

It’s important to start with remembering a time you gave thanks with your whole heart naturally because in the process you might run into trauma that you don’t have the capacity—at this point—to work through.

IF that happens, go back to this safe space when you knew God blessed you and loved you and held you in His hands. Gratitude creates the safe space for us to increase our capacity to heal from hurt.

H — Hold the wound before Jesus

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted.” — Psalm 34:18

Ask Holy Spirit to show you want He wants to heal. Go to the memory of what He shows you. Remember one specific wound or painful memory. Name what happened without hiding or minimizing it.

What do you want to heal today, Lord?

E — Explore your feelings and beliefs

“Search me, God, and know my heart.” — Psalm 139:23

Notice the feelings linked to the wound. Look for beliefs that formed through the experience, such as “I am unsafe,” “I am unworthy,” or “I am alone.”

Not that it’s true, but it feels like it’s true….

If this gets too painful, go back to the safe space you created. If you can continue, go to the next step.

A — Ask Jesus to show you the truth

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” — Psalm 147:3

Ask Jesus to reveal truth. In the memory, see what Jesus shows you or what He tells you.

What is Jesus showing me?

L — Listen for Jesus’ response

“My sheep listen to my voice. I know them, and they follow me.” — John 10:27

Pause in silence. Don’t move on until you see or hear the truth Jesus reveals. Notice changes in your in feelings, thoughts, or spiritual impressions.

Does the memory feel different?

Testing changes against scripture and spiritual fruit is vital to discern true healing.

HEALing Prayer…

Remember when you naturally gave thanks with your whole heart.

H — Hold the wound before Jesus.
E — Explore feelings and beliefs.
A — Ask Jesus to show you the truth.
L — Listen for Jesus’ response.

Realize that wounds can create a wall that might include

W — Wounds: Trauma or hurt experiences.
A — Assumptions: False beliefs formed from wounds (e.g., "I am unlovable").
L — Lifelong vows: Decisions made to cope (e.g., "I must control everything").
L — Limiting strongholds: Ways of thinking that negatively dominate life (anger, people-pleasing, withdrawal).

Jesus wants to heal all of these. But it might take time until your capacity in enlarged to the point you can.

Gratitude and wise healing belong together

If you are struggling with deep grief, trauma, depression, addiction, or thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out to a trusted person and seek appropriate professional support.

Seeking help is not a failure of faith.

Sometimes God’s answer arrives through a pastor. Sometimes through a friend. Sometimes through a counsellor, doctor, or support group.

A grateful heart can still ask for help.
A grateful heart can still set boundaries.
A grateful heart can still seek justice.
A grateful heart can still say, “This relationship is not safe for me.”

Gratitude respects the wound but protects your hope.

Challenge to Start Having Well Healed Wounds

Maybe your heart still feels tender today. Maybe you are not ready to give thanks in everything.

Then begin with one thing. Learn to give thanks with all your heart. Decide to give thanks, feel gratitude for what you gave thanks for and show appreciation for what you felt grateful for.

Do not despise small gratitude. A small seed can grow. A small beam of light is still light. A small step toward Jesus is still a step toward healing.

If you want to train yourself to do this naturally, try the 70-Day Gratitude Challenge. You can join anytime, or join us on the next campaign.

The Live LIGHT 70-Day Gratitude Challenge

In 21 days you’ll be 10% happier. In 3 sets of 21 days —or 63-70 days we actually creates new neural pathways in our brains so it becomes natural for you to give thanks always….which is God’s will for you.

Learn more and sign up to get daily help to feel grateful for free at https://revtrev.link/thanks

Conclusion

The one healed man in Luke 17 returned to Jesus. That is where our gratitude must lead us. Not merely to positive thinking. Not merely to a better attitude.

Back to Jesus.

He is the one who meets us in our sorrow. He is the one who bears our grief. He is the one who forgives our sin, restores our hope, and gives us peace and hope and joy that circumstances cannot provide.

When we return to Jesus, we remember that our identity is not defined by what happened to us.

The cross tells us that God is able to bring redemption out of suffering. The resurrection tells us that death and loss do not have the final word.

So we give thanks—with our whole heart, in every situation—not because every chapter is easy or good, but because Jesus is present in every word written in our book of life.

Gratitude respects the wound but protects your hope.

Closing prayer

Can I Pray for Well Healed Wounds?

Father, thank You for Your goodness, mercy, forgiveness, and faithful presence. Meet us in our anxiety, grief, and emotional pain. Teach us to bring our needs to You with thanksgiving and exchange our problems for your peace.

Help us remember what You have done and trust You with what lies ahead. Let the peace of Christ guard our hearts and minds. Restore what has been wounded, strengthen our faith, and help gratitude grow within us, even in difficult circumstances. In Jesus’ name, amen.